DO YOU HAVE EMAIL ADDRESS?????????????

A man with no habits....good joke..?

A man with no habits....good joke..?


A man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money. Suddenly an idea struck him.



He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you." "I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar. The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar. The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."



The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good". The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver". The man smiled again.



He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".

As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."



Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".



The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no Bad habits looks like.

Boyfriend to Husband...superb joke...?

Boyfriend to Husband...superb joke...?


Boyfriend to Husband

Is this the way it is ... ??

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0 and PremierLeague 7.2. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs andHouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried runningNagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

Signed:

Desperate Wife

(keep reading)



- - - - -Reply Separator- - - - -



Dear Desperate Wife,

Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and installTears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause damage, with Husband 1.0 defaulting to GrumpySilence 2.5, Happyhour 7.0 orBeer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files.

Be especially cautious about the HotChik virus – it’s programmed to corrupt Husband 1.0 utterly (as well as all future Husband upgrades).

DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriendprogram. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Keep-a-nice-body 10.1.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

No One available...hahah?

No One available...hahah?


A man was going up to bed, when his wife told him he’d left the light on in the garden shed – she could see it from the bedroom window. But he said that he hadn’t been in the shed that day. He looked himself, and there were people in the shed, stealing things.



He rang the police, but they told him that no-one was in his area, so no-one was available to catch the thieves. He said ok, hung up, counted to 30 and rang the police again.



"Hello. I just rang you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed? Well, you don’t have to worry about them now, I’ve just shot them all."



Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed.



One of the policemen said to this man: "I thought you said you’d shot them!"



He replied: "I thought you said there was no-one available!"

A LETTER FROM A SWEET MOTHER........

There are no words to express how much you mean to me,
A son like you, I thought could never be.
Because the day you were born, I just knew,
God sent me a blessing- and that was you.
For this I thank Him everyday,



You are the true definition of a son, in everyway.
It is because of you that my life has meaning,
Becoming a mom has shown me a new sense of being.
I want you to know that you were the purpose of my life,
Out of everything I did- it was you that I did right.
Always remember that I know how much you care,
I can tell by the relationship that we share.
For a son like you there could be no other,
And whether we are together or apart,
Please do not ever forget-
You will always have a piece of my heart.

I’ll Always Love you My SON

Good Philosopy about life.........

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2 inches in diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “Yes.”

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter – like your job, your house, your car.

The sand is everything else. The small stuff.”

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.

Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

How to Invest in Stocks???????

Have you ever wondered what stock is or why shares of stock even exist?

Shares of Stock Represent Pieces of a Business

Imagine you wanted to start a retail store with members of your family. You decide you need $100,000 to get the business off the ground so you incorporate a new company. You divide the company into 1,000 pieces, or "shares" of stock. (They are called 

this because each piece of stock is entitled to a proportional share of the profit or loss). You price each new share of stock at $100. If you can sell all of the shares to your family members, you should have the $100,000 you need (1,000 shares x $100 contributed capital per share = $100,000 cash raised for the company).

If the store earned $50,000 after taxes during its first year, each share of stock would be entitled to 1/1,000th of the profit. You'd take $50,000 and divide it by 1,000, resulting in $50.00 earnings per share (or EPS as it is often called on Wall Street). You could call a meeting of the company's Board of Directors (these are the people the stockholders elected to watch over their interest since they couldn't run the business) and decide to use the money to pay cash dividends, repurchase stock, or expand the company by reinvesting in the retail store.

At some point, you may decide you want to sell your shares of the family retailer. If the company is large enough, you could trade on a stock exchange. That's what is happening when you buy or sell shares of a company through a stock broker. You are telling the market you are interested in acquiring or selling shares of a certain company and Wall Street matches you up with someone and takes fees and commissions for doing it. Alternatively, shares of stock could be issued to raise millions, or even billions, of dollars for expansion. When Sam Walton formed Wal-Mart Stores, Inc., the initial public offering that resulted from him selling newly created shares of stock in his company gave him enough cash to pay off most of his debt and fund Wal-Mart's nationwide expansion.

Shares of Stock on Wall Street Are No Different

It doesn't matter if you invest in shares of stock of multi-billion dollar conglomerates or tiny publicly traded retailers, when you buy share of stock, you are purchasing a tiny piece of a company. For instance, McDonald's Corporation has divided itself into 1,079,186,614 shares of common stock. Over the past twelve months, the company earned net income of $4,176,452,196.18 so management took that profit and divided it by the shares outstanding, resulting in earnings per share of $3.87. Of that, the company's Board of Directors voted to pay $2.20 out in the form of a cash dividend, leaving $1.67 per share for the company to devote to other causes such as expansion, debt reduction, share repurchases, or whatever else it decides is necessary to produce a good return for its owners, the stockholders.

The current stock price of McDonald's is $61.66 per share. The stock market is nothing more than an auction. Individual investors, just like you, are making decisions with their own money in a real-time auction. If someone wants to sell their shares of McDonald's and there are no buyers at $61.66, the price would have to continually fall until someone else stepped in and placed a buy order with their broker. If investors thought McDonald's was going to grow its profits faster than other companies, they would be willing to bid up the price of the stock (which is affected by supply and demand because there are only a fixed amount of shares in existence, in this case 1,079,186,614 shares). Likewise, if a large investor were to dump his or her shares on the market, the supply could temporarily overwhelm the demand and drive the stock price lower.

Keep Perspective on Stocks and Never Forget What They Represent

What happens if you believe McDonald's will generate far higher earnings per share of stock within five years, you buy 1,000 shares at $61.66 (for a total investment of $61,660), and the very next day, the stock falls to $30 per share? Should you be upset?

In this situation, you need to remember that the stock market is an auction. If you still believe the company will generate the earnings per share you calculated several years from now, to be upset that the stock price got cheaper would be, in the words of the legendary Benjamin Graham, to allow yourself to get upset by "other peoples' mistakes in judgment". The share price may move around wildly as millions of investors throughout the world make decisions about how much they are willing to pay, but the ultimate value of your shares will come from the profit the company generates.

If McDonald's did reach, say, $8 in per share earnings within five years, and kept the same dividend policy, your shares would collect $4.55 in cash dividends each year. That means you'd be earning 15.17% in cash dividend yield on the stock you purchased when it fell to $30 per share. This is why you see many successful investors completely unemotional about stock market crashes; they view the events as nothing more than the opportunity to buy a greater stake in businesses they like that generate lots of cash.

GOOD JOKES.....

Three mice are sitting around drinking and boasting about their strengths. The first mouse says "Mouse traps, Ha! I do pushups with the bar". The second mouse pulls a pill from his pocket, swallows it, and says with a grin "D-Con Rat Poison". The third mouse finishes his drink, slams his glass on the table and starts to leave. The first mouse says, "Where do you think you're going?”
"Time to go home and chase the cat”

After a lady’s car had leaked motor oil on her cement driveway, she bought a large bag of cat litter to soak it up. It worked so well, that she went back to the store to get another bag to finish the job. The clerk remembered her. Looking thoughtfully at her purchase, he said, “Lady, if that were my cat, I’d put him outside!”
A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his. “You grew up in a different world,” the student said. “Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, nuclear energy, computers…”
Taking advantage of a pause in the student’s litany, the geezer said, “You’re right. We didn’t have those things when we were young; so we invented them! What are you doing for the next generation??”
The economy is so bad that:The Mafia is laying off judges
The best answer to the question asked in an interview, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years' time?" . . . "In the mirror as always . . "

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation. After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"

Fathers are special people,

Fathers are special people,

Who we often take for granted.

We do not give them high praises

Or enough credit.

For all he has done

To provide for his family.

He has done what a man suppose to.

He gives himself unselfishly.

Fathers make many sacrifices,

Just like mothers do,

But do we once tell our fathers,

Father, thank you.

He struggles each day,

To be a hero in his family's eyes.

He is the protector and the provider.

In him is where the strength lies.

Fathers aren't the kind of people,

Who shows their emotions,

But when you look inside his heart,

You know his true notions.

Father's are special people,

In many different ways.

He is what makes a family whole.

We need that now these days.

Fathers are like our heavenly father,

Who sits high above.

We can always depend on him,

To give his undying love.

Secret of Success Get the mind-set of an Ant

All of us tend to look up to big people for lessons on how to get better. We are keen to learn the secrets of their success. But we forget that sometimes the biggest lessons in life come from the smallest folks around us. Now that's a good lesson to remember!

 

Take ants for instance. Would you believe those small creatures can teach us how to live a better life? Jim Rohn - the great motivational guru - developed what he called the 'Ants Philosophy'.

 

He identified four key lessons from the behaviour of ants that can help us lead better lives. Jim Rohn is no more - but his messages continue to inspire. Here then, are the four lessons from Rohn's 'Ants Philosophy'.

 

1. Ants never quit. Have you noticed how ants always look for a way around an obstacle? Put your finger in an ant's path and it will try and go around it, or over it. It will keep looking for a way out. It won't just stand there and stare. It won't give up and go back.

 

We should all learn to be like that. There will always be obstacles in our lives. The challenge is to keep trying, keep looking for alternative routes to get to our goals. Winston Churchill probably paraphrased the ant's mindset when he offered this priceless advice: 'Never give up. Never, never give up!'

 

2. Ants think winter all summer. Remember the old story of the ant and the grasshopper? In the middle of summer, the ant was busy gathering food for the winter ahead - while the grasshopper was out having a good time. Ants know that summer - the good times - won't last forever. Winters will come. That's a good lesson to remember. When the going is good, don't be so arrogant as to believe that a crisis or a setback cannot happen to you. Be good to other people. Save for a rainy day. Look ahead. And remember, good times may not last, but good people do.

 

3. Ants think summer all winter. As they suffer through the unbearable cold of the winter, ants keep reminding themselves that it won't last forever, and that summer will soon be here. And with the first rays of the summer sun, the ants come out - ready to work, ready to play. When we are down and seemingly out, when we go through what looks like a never-ending crisis, it's good to remind ourselves that this too shall pass. Good times will come. It's important to retain a positive attitude, an attitude that says things will get better. As the old saying goes, tough times don't last. Tough people do.

 

4. Ants do all they possibly can. How much food does an ant gather in summer? All that it possibly can! Now that's a great work ethic to have. Do all you can! One ant doesn't worry about how much food another ant is collecting. It does not sit back and wonder why it should have to work so hard. Nor does it complain about the poor pay! Ants just do their bit. They gather all the food they can. Success and happiness are usually the result of giving 100% - doing all you possibly can. If you look around you, you'll find that successful people are those who just do all they possibly can.

 

Follow the four simple steps of Jim Rohn's 'Ant Philosophy' - and you'll see the difference. Don't quit. Look ahead. Stay positive. And do all you can.

 

And there's just one more lesson to learn from ants. Did you know that an ant can carry objects up to 20 times their own weight? Maybe we are like that too. We can carry burdens on our shoulders and manage workloads that are far, far heavier than we'd imagine. Next time something's bothering you and weighing you down, and you feel you just can't carry on, don't fret. Think of the little ant. And remember, you too can carry a lot more on your shoulders!