17 Rules Between Men and Women

17 Rules Between Men and Women

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.

2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.

3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some or all of THE RULES.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any given time..

9. The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of The Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.

14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.

15. If the Male doesn’t abide by THE RULES, it is because he can’t take the heat, lacks ackbone, and is a wimp.

16. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.

17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5
GET THE RIGHT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE...

DOCTOR... funny

DOCTOR...

 

Let me tell you about A doctor. He's very good! If you tell him you want a second opinion, He'll go out and come in again.
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He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years Before he realized she was Chinese.
~~~~~
Another time, he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill, So, the doctor gave him another six months.
~~~~~
While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said, "Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."
~~~~~
Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled, "Doctor, doctor! - my son just swallowed a roll of film!" The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops."
~~~~~
One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem." The doctor asked, "When did it start?" The man replied, "When did what start?"
~~~~~
I remember one time I told the doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice: "Don't answer it."
~~~~~
The doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell." The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these - If they don't work, give me a ring."
~~~~~
Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."
~~~~~
When I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places, He told me to stop going to those places.
~~~~~
You know, doctors can be so frustrating. You wait a month and a half for an appointment, Then he says, "I wish you had come to me sooner."

 

SARDAR Revealed..................

Interviewer:
what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR

Manager asked sardar at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.


After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?


One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar:
Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!


Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.


When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver
adjusted the mirror. Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my
wife? Sit behind. I will drive.


Interviewer: just imagine youare on the3rd floor, it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.


Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new


Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!


Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White


Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.


Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"


Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...! !!


Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE

When things go wrong......

When things go wrong ... When things go wrong as they sometimes will; When the road you're trudging seems all uphill; When the funds are low, and the debts are high And you want to smile, but have to sigh; When care is pressing you down a bit- Rest if you must, but do not quit. Success is failure turned inside out; The silver tint of the clouds of doubt; And you can never tell how close you are It may be near when it seems so far; So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit- It's when things go wrong that you must not quit. "Don't Quit," . __,_._,___

Dead Donkey......Good one...

Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100.00. 

The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.' 

Chuck replied, 

'Well, then just give me my money back.' 

The farmer said, 

'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.' 

Chuck said, 

'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.' 

The farmer asked, 

'What ya gonna do with him? 

Chuck said, 

'I'm going to raffle him off.' 

The farmer said, 

'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!' 

Chuck said, 

'Sure I can Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.' 

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?' 

Chuck said, 

'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00.' 

The farmer said, 

'Didn't anyone complain?' 

Chuck said, 

'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.' 

Chuck now works for the government. 

Don't Copy if you can't PASTE ...........hahahaha

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his Audience. He Said: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"

Laughter and Applause!!!
A week later, a top manager trained by the Motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke At home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to His wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my Wife!"

The wife went; "ahhhh!" with shock and rage.

Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second Half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!"

By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water. 

Moral of the story... 
Don't Copy if you can't PASTE ...........hahahaha

 

Flag this messageNOKIA NEW MOBILE - R1200

NOKIA is planning to launch Rajinkanth "R1200" series in 2012
features:
20 sims
1 yr battery back up
1 TB memory
1000 megapixels cam
TV
OVEN
WASHING MACHINE
FRIDGE
AC
Mini rocket launcher
Mini AK-47
and the new special addition 24G in which u can meet the person & talk directly!

If you are on Facebook, I am sure you will find this hilarious...must read

If you are on Facebook, I am sure you will find this hilarious 


The 76-year-old woman walked down the hallway of Clearview Addictions Clinic, searching for the right department. She passed signs for the "Heroin Addiction Department (HAD)," the "Smoking Addiction Department (SAD)" and the "Bingo Addiction Department (BAD)." Then she spotted the department she was looking for: "Facebook Addiction Department (FAD)."

It was the busiest department in the clinic, with about three dozen people filling the waiting room, most of them staring blankly into their Blackberries and iPhones. A middle-aged man with unkempt hair was pacing the room, muttering,"I need to milk my cows. I need to milk my cows."

A twenty-something man was prone on the floor, his face buried in his hands, while a curly-haired woman comforted him.

"Don't worry. It'll be all right."

"I just don't understand it. I thought my update was LOL-worthy, but none of my friends even clicked the 'like' button."

"How long has it been?"

"Almost five minutes. That's like five months in the real world."

The 76-year-old woman waited until her name was called, then followed the receptionist into the office of Alfred Zulu, Facebook Addiction Counselor.

"Please have a seat, Edna," he said with a warm smile. "And tell me how it all started."

"Well, it's all my grandson's fault. He sent me an invitation to join Facebook. I had never heard of Facebook before, but I thought it was something for me, because I usually have my face in a book."

"How soon were you hooked?"

"Faster than you can say 'create a profile.' I found myself on Facebook at least eight times each day -- and more times at night. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night to check it, just in case there was an update from one of my new friends in India . My husband didn't like that. He said that friendship is a precious thing and should never be outsourced."

"What do you like most about Facebook?"

"It makes me feel like I have a life. In the real world, I have only five or six friends, but on Facebook, I have 674. I'm even friends with Juan Carlos Montoya."

"Who's he?"

"I don't know, but he's got 4,000 friends, so he must be famous."

"Facebook has helped you make some connections, I see."

"Oh yes. I've even connected with some of the gals from high school -- I still call them 'gals.' I hadn't heard from some of them in ages, so it was exciting to look at their profiles and figure out who's retired, who's still working, and who's had some work done. I love browsing their photos and reading their updates. I know where they've been on vacation, which movies they've watched, and whether they hang their toilet paper over or under. I've also been playing a game with some of them."

"Let me guess. Farmville?"

"No, Mafia Wars. I'm a Hitman. No one messes with Edna."

"Wouldn't you rather meet some of your friends in person?"

"No, not really. It's so much easier on Facebook. We don't need to gussy ourselves up. We don't need to take baths or wear perfume or use mouthwash. That's the best thing about Facebook -- you can't smell anyone. Everyone is attractive, because everyone has picked a good profile pic. One of the gals is using a profile pic that was taken, I'm pretty certain, during the Eisenhower Administration. "

"What pic are you using?"

"Well, I spent five hours searching for a profile pic, but couldn't find one I really liked. So I decided to visit the local beauty salon."

"To make yourself look prettier?"

"No, to take a pic of one of the young ladies there. That's what I'm using."

"Didn't your friends notice that you look different?"

"Some of them did, but I just told them I've been doing lots of yoga."

"When did you realize that your Facebooking might be a problem?"

"I realized it last Sunday night, when I was on Facebook and saw a message on my wall from my husband: 'I moved out of the house five days ago. Just thought you should know.'"

"What did you do?"

"What else? I unfriended him of course!"

GREAT WORDS..........

"The world suffers a lot. 
Not because of the violence of bad people,
But because of the silence of good people!" 

"I am thankful to all those who said NO to me
Its Because of them I did it myself.."

"If friendship is your weakest point 
then you are the strongest person in 
the world"

"Laughing Faces Do Not Mean That There Is Absence Of Sorrow!
But It Means That They Have 
The Ability To Deal With It". 

"Opportunities Are Like Sunrises, 
If You Wait Too Long You Can Miss Them". 

"Never Play With The Feelings Of Others Because You May Win The Game But 
The Risk Is That You Will 
Surely Loose The Person For Life Time". 

"When You Are In The Light, 
Everything Follows You,
But When You Enter Into The Dark, 
Even Your Own Shadow Doesnt Follow You." 

"Coin Always Makes Sound 
But The Currency Notes Are Always Silent.
So When Your Value Increases 
Keep Yourself Calm Silent" 

"It Is Very Easy To Defeat Someone,
But It Is Very Hard To Win Someone"

DEMENTIA QUIZ:

DEMENTIA  QUIZ:

     FIRST QUESTION:

YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON,WHAT POSITION ARE YOU  IN?




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ANSWER :  IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST,
THEN YOU ARE  ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON AND  YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE!

TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.
NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION,
BUT DON'T  TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS
YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION,  OK? 
 

SECOND QUESTION:
IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....?(SCROLL  DOWN)



~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~~~~~~









ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU  ARE......
  WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??

YOU'RE  NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?


THIRD QUESTION:
VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE:
THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR.
TRY IT.



TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30.
ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20 .. NOW  ADD ANOTHER 1000.
NOW ADD 10.. WHAT IS THE TOTAL?


SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER.....



~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~~~~~~




 
 

DID YOU GET 5000?

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100...


IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR!
TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT?  

MAYBE  YOU'LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT....  MAYBE... 


FOURTH QUESTION:

MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS: 1.     NANA, 2. NENE, 3... NINI,  4. NONO, AND ??? 

2.     WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~~~~~~




 
DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN'T.
HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!







OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND,
I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO REDEEM YOURSELF:




A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH.
BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE  PURCHASE IS DONE.
NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES  HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?




~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~~~~~~



 

IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE
HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT...DOES YOUR EMPLOYER ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO THINK??
IF SO DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR ANSWERS FOR THIS TEST!


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