FOOD....HAHAH

A Doctor at a health conference said “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be destructive, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it.



Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?” After several seconds of silence, a 70-year-old man sitting in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding Cake.

PLEASE PASS THIS BISCUITS

When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then.  And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.  On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad.  I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed!  Yet all my dad did was reach for his Biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school.

I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits.  And I'll never forget what he said:  "Honey, I love burned biscuits."
 
Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned.  He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she's real tired.  And besides... A burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!"

You know, life is full of imperfect things... And imperfect people.  I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else.  What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each others differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

So...please pass me a biscuit. And yes, the burned one will do just fine!  And please pass this along to someone who has enriched your life... I just did!
 
Life is too short to wake up with regrets... Love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't.
ENJOY LIFE NOW - IT HAS AN EXPIRATION DATE!

Very Funny Wedding Jokes..Just for fun...no offense..

Every man should get married some time; after all,happiness is not the only thing in life !!

Batchelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier..

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I h! ave never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate.

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in."

Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says "the wedding rings look like minature handcuffs....."

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first? The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u let him in!

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied "My wife's first husband."

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin . The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled " It really works ! "

WHAT HAPPENS IN HEAVEN ?

This is one of the nicest e-mails I have seen and is so true:

I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels.
My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, 'This Is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are Received.'
I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.
Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section.
The angel then said to me, 'This is20the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them..'
I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth
Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the Door of a very small station To my great surprise, only one angel was Seated there, idly doing nothing. 'This is the Aknowledgment Section,'
My angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed 'How Is it that there is no work going on here?' I asked.
'So sad,' the angel sighed. 'After people receive the blessings that they asked For, very few send back acknowledgments .'
'How does one acknowledge God's blessings?' I asked.
'Simple,' the angel answered.
Just say, 'Thank you, Lord.'
'What blessings should they acknowledge? ' I asked.
'If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of this world... If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy .'
'And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity. '
Also .
' If you woke up this mo rning with more health than illness ... You are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day .'
'If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation .. You are ahead of 700 million people in the world.' ;
'If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you're unique to all those in doubt and despair.'
Ok, what now? How can I start?
If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.
Have a good day, count your blessings, and if you want, pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are.
ATTN: Acknowledge Dept.:
'Thank you Lord, for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving me so many wonderful people to share it with..

pay attention

1st year students of MBBS were attending their 1st anatomy class.
They all gathered around the surgery table with a real dead dog.
The Professor started class by telling two important qualities as a Doctor.
The 1st is that NEVER BE DISGUSTED FOR ANYTHING ABOUT BODY,
e.g. He inserted his finger in dog's mouth & on drawing back tasted it in his own mouth.

Then he said them to do the same.
The students hesitated for several minutes.
But eventually everyone inserted their fingers in dog's mouth & then tasted it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said:
The most important 2nd quality is OBSERVATION, I inserted my Middle finger but tasted the Index finger.
Now learn to pay attention.

Let Hope Grow...

Let Hope Grow...
Life, you can bring me heartache,
bad luck, and pain,
but I'll stand up and fight
again and again and again.
You can make me fearful,
make me suffer long,
but I'll meet my troubles;
I'll stand strong.
You can steal my
hopes and dreams
bring bad news to my ears,
but I'll rise in defiance
and let hope grow out of tears...

Honesty....

Once a general manager wanted to test his people who had come from all over India, about their values of life.
He announced that in their seminar folder, there is PVC pouch and in it there is a seed. When they return, they must put it in a good soil in a pot and look after it very well.
He would hold a competition in the next year's seminar and that the best plants would be awarded suitably.
Everyone did what was told to him. A year passed quickly. And next year in a big hall, there were hundreds of pots and a great variety of plants-a great scene.

Except one pot in which the soil was there and no plant! The owner was standing quietly and seemingly ashamed of himself!
The general manager called him on the stage. He asked him what happened and he told him the truth. He planted the seed which he was given – and did that was to be done- but nothing happened!
The general manager declared him the winner!
Everyone was shocked. It was announced, "Gentlemen! The seeds I gave you were boiled seeds. You planted them and nothing happened! You acted smartly and used some other seeds.
This man was honest to his work and, therefore he did not cheat me or himself!"

Salesman without gathering all resources

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the
street. A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living
room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings
onto the carpet.
"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful
Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this !" exclaimed the eager salesman.

"Do you need chili sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"

"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady

No one can hurt us without our consent

On his first day in office, as President Abraham Lincoln entered to give his inaugural address, one man stood up. He was a rich aristocrat. He said, “Mr. Lincoln, you should not forget that your father used to make shoes for my family.”

And the whole Senate laughed; they thought they had made a fool of Lincoln.But certain people are made of a totally different mettle. Lincoln looked at the man directly in the eye and said, “Sir, I know that my father used to make shoes for your family, and there will be many others here, because he made shoes the way nobody else can. He was a creator. His shoes were not just shoes; he poured his whole soul into them.

 I want to ask you, have you any complaint? Because I know how to make shoes myself. If you have any complaint I can make you another pair of shoes. But as far as I know, nobody has ever complained about my father’s shoes. He was a genius, a great creator and I am proud of my father”.

The whole Senate was struck dumb. They could not understand what kind of man Abraham Lincoln was. He was proud because his father did his job so well that not even a single complaint had ever been heard.
Remember: “No one can hurt us without our consent.”

“It is not what happens to us that hurts us. It is our response that hurts us.”

Two Cups of Coffee.....

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,
when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the
mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large, empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty
space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things; your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions; things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else; the small stuff.

If you put the sand into the jar first, he continued, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life: If you spend all your time and energy on the small Stuff.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner.
Play another 18 holes of golf. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first; the Things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. 'I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'